Scribbles, Notes, and Other Odd Documents
by notagiraffe
Summary: In a world full of over-excited workbooks, a commentator's ramblings, and the art of predicting your own misfortunes, the lives of Angelina, Katie, Alicia, George, Lee and Fred have never been normal...
1. Muggles and You Workbook

Disclaimer: If you believe I own Harry Potter, you are an absolute fool child. 

I blame sugar for any and all craziness expressed in this story.

I hate those stupid workbooks you get in school that try to get you excited to learn…

Muggles and You Workbook

This book belongs to _**Angelina Johnson**_

**__**

** Hey there, future muggle studies expert! Have we got a surprise for you! This year, you are going to explore the depths of muggle culture, see some genuine muggle artifacts and inventions, and even discover the purpose of the electric tooth brush! Isn't this exciting? But first things first, eager beaver! We need to discover what you already know about muggles!**

Does Professor Fert really expect us to write in these things? Am I really supposed to be excited about muggle studies? Am I even a beaver? Book, you are truly stupid.

I honestly know nothing about muggles. Why else would I be in here talking to an over-excited workbook? I think one time I was walking with my mum and this muggle lady came up and started begging us for money, or something. I'm pretty sure I gave her a chicken wing or something, but now that I think about it, maybe it was just a dream. That lady was scary!

**Wow! That's quite some information, Einstein! Are you sure you even need to take this class with brains like that? Now that we established that, I want you to put away your cauldrons and self-charmed cheeses and take a look at your classroom through the eyes of the non-magical! Don't be shy, take a try!**

Do I have to really put away my self-charmed cheese? Book, you are truly cruel! Self-charmed cheese is my life! My soul! I hate you, book!

On an unrelated note, I really have to give you a name or something. 'Book' sounds hairy. Hairy… Harry Potter? Nah, that name's already been used… I'm going to call you Shelly. Shelly, in every sentence so far you've either ended it with a '?' or a '!'. You are an excitable book and for that I love you.

** Great observations! Most likely, you took note on how in muggle life, candles don't float in mid-air and there are no quills that taste like sugar. Must be tough being a muggle, eh?**

Shelly! You used a period! I'm so proud of you!

** You bet it'd be hard! Now let's get on to my favorite subject... You! What has influenced you to take muggle studies?**

What? Shelley, I'm surprised at you! That wasn't a question about me at all! Stupid! Too, bad. I'm going to write about me anyway because you are a selfish little Shelly.

Right now I am insanely mad at a pair of quidditch chasers. Okay, maybe not exactly mad, but supremely annoyed at the least. They both went to divination even though I pleaded them to come with me to this class! Honestly, I would've gone with them if it wasn't for a certain red-headed twin who makes my heart flip with just one look at him. I know what you're thinking, Shelley. 'Oh, she must have gone to muggle studies just to be with the love of her life, Fred Weasley.' Did I ever mention that he has a superb name? I mean, no weird spellings to embarrassingly screw up on or anything! Anyway, Shelley, you're earlier thought is absolutely wrong. He's in divination. I came to this class just to get away from the sickening feeling of my heart fluttering about like a butterfly. I can't stand being around him long enough to embarrass myself.

Don't matter anyway. Freddy-boy's already got himself a girlfriend. Her horrid, rotten, good-for-nothing name is Trisha. Fred and Trisha? Ew… Fred and Angelina? Yes!

And now I return back to you, my dear Shelley. By the way, are you single?

** That's a really good reason to learn about muggles! Now look to your left and look to your right. There is at least something there that's also a muggle object! Name one!**

Lee Jordan is a muggle object? Sometimes I wish you were a real person so I could slap you in the face when you act real stupid. Silly journal.

** Yes! Tables, chairs, all that good stuff! You're really getting the hang of this now! Now, if you had to compare yourself to a muggle, how would you do so?**

How would I do so? With, uh, a comparison? Do you mean, how are we different? I guess I must assume so. The main difference is that I don't go around on the streets begging people for money and getting chicken wings in return.

** Very good! You got a lot done today and guess what? We're done for now! Don't worry, we'll start off again tomorrow! Goodbye!**

Bye, Shelly! I love you!

* * *

_

* * *

Chapter 2: Lee Jordan!_


	2. The Magnificent, Dapper and Handsome Lee...

Disclaimer: I love you but I don't own you. 

Thanks so much to those who reviewed!

FredsBabyAngel: Maybe… ; )

Firehotchica: Thanks a lot for the review and it was my pleasure to check out your story too!

Rin136: I'd be proud to!

theKRITIC: Thanks for the reveiw, and yes, I agree.We **should **blame caffeine.

I blame alcohol for any and all craziness expressed in this story.

* * *

**Lee Jordan: Classroom Commentator Extraordinaire**

_The ramblings of a Quidditch Commentator._

The sky is clear and weather is perfect, but where do Quidditch fans find themselves right now? Slaving away in the terrible depth's of Professor Fert's beginner's class to Muggle Studies.

I, the insanely gorgeous Lee Jordan, am here to report to you the horrors of muggle studies. As you know, the goal of this game is to obtain the best grade possible while doing the least amount of work as you can. The charming, dapper, and ever handsome Lee Jordan will most certainly come out victorious of this goal.

Ten students have enrolled into this class. Let's give them a round of applause for their stupidity! Jordan, Gacka, Holati, Towler, Grain, Maines, Johnson, Henry, Hedan, and Kaber!

Professor Fert's reluctantly gets off his fat arse and passes out workbooks to class members. Students hesitantly open the cover as if expecting to see a slytherin in a bikini inside. One of the stunning Quidditch chasers, Angelina Johnson, tosses a journal and hits a slightly dazed, yet still devilishly handsome, Lee Jordan in the head. To save the poor fellow embarrassment, let's just pretend that instead, he caught it with ease… And was still devilishly handsome.

Johnson titters and opens up the workbook. I, Lee the Magnificent, laugh at the first page. Apparently we are supposed to be excited over this course, though I beg to differ! I'd rather have a class about bushes. I like bushes. They're easier to get along with than muggles. I shouldn't have ever agreed to take this class.

On the contrary, it seems as if Gacka and Maines are excited. Seems as if they are clawing each other in order to claim one of the books, though they are as identical as the Weasley Twins. Well, I guess they're not as identical now that one of the books has been ripped in half.

Professor Ferts suddenly looks up and stares at me and I stare back, wanting to win the staring contest. Surely my dashing looks shall vanquish that bag of dung they insist to call a teacher!

The dashing Lee Jordan has failed and received a detention slip. Stupid git.

How can I comment on such a boring class! Maybe I should dance on the tables or something… Get this place more lively…

The dashing Lee Jordan has once again received a detention slip.

Lee Jordan makes the stunning conclusion that it would be much more interesting to replay the events that took place earlier! What a stupendous idea!

Johnson, Jordan the Magnificent, Bell, Spinnet, Weasley, and Weasley are at the Gryffindor table! George Weasley slips one cockroach cluster within the cereal of Quidditch fanatic Oliver Wood, and the unknowing keeper takes a heaping spoonful, gagging on the foul item!

"That's for all the extra quidditch practices!" George shouts at the gagging quidditch captain. Lee Jordan and Fred Weasley let out respective hoots of laughter while the ladies of the table glare with annoyance. Oh, please! Wood's not that handsome!

Speaking of handsome, I run my hand down my dreads and turn towards Spinnet, Bell, and Johnson, a suave smile on my face. To my surprise, after I ask each girl if they wanted the pleasure of joining me on the first Hogsmeade visit of the year, Spinnet chokes on a piece of toast and starts laughing, Johnson rolls her eyes, and Bell throws a piece of toast at me. Oh, yeah. They want me.

Bell begins to leave her table. The handsome Lee Jordan hurls a muffin at her face. Only returning the favor.

Angelina Johnson leans over and begins to read what Lee Jordan is writing on this paper. She asks why I talk about myself in third person

"Oh, Angelina!" Lee Jordan replies. "With a name as gorgeous as mine, you have a need to say it as often as possible!" She gives me an unbelieving book and tells me that she thinks I do it so I won't forget what my name is. Silly Angelina. How could I ever forget a name of a person as attractive as Lee Jordan?

Johnson returns to her workbook. Perhaps I should do as well. Actually, I think I'll just copy what Angelina wrote down.

I just looked at what she wrote. On second thought, I don't think that's such a great idea.

Perhaps I shall give in to the powers of school work for now. This is the dapper, handsome, attractive, striking, amazing magnificent, and very good-looking Lee Jordan, signing out.

* * *

Chapter 3: George Weasley 


	3. Insane Dreams form the Mind of George We...

Disclaimer: At the moment, Harry Potter is not in my possession

A note of warning: There is one sentence in here that makes me shudder when I think about it. Those who guess right get candy.

I blame caffeine for any and all craziness expressed in this story.

Thanks to all who reviewed!

night wisp: Hope this continues to make you laugh!

EponineWeasley: Thank you!

JuicyJuice: Thank you! I'm having trouble thinking of one last prospective for Fred, though… Any thoughts?

Searching4romeo: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Funnily enough, I was actually worried about how I made Lee! (So much self-confidence is a tad unhealthy!) Hope you had fun with your (not red-headed yet still a TWIN) date!

Lin: Thanks a lot!

Ieyre: I'm happy you enjoyed it!

Jenaneter: Thanks! And might I say that your username is extremely fun to scream at the top of your lungs!

Orliey: I feel the EXACT same way! Though I love the Trio, I really love to read about the smaller, more ignored characters in the book.

bigsmileygirl-3: Here's the next chapter! I hope you like it.

EponineWeasley: Here you go, The insane dreams of George Weasley!

Siora Lee: Yeah I had TONS of fun writing the Lee chapter!

* * *

**Dreams from the Insane Mind of George Weasley**

_Oh, how Trelawney must have loved to read this!_

Apparently, these journals the crazy divination teacher just passed out are for our dreams. Also, I am informed that you, Sibyll Trelawney, are to read these. May I just tell you that I am chuckling rather evilly as we speak?

I, George Weasley, do not dream. I scheme, of course. I plot, joke, plan, and make general mischief, but these activities have never happened in a dream.

On top of this all, I doubt your abilities in seeing the future. Wouldn't those who possess the "inner pie", or whatever, be able to tell that someone had put a filibuster firework in your seat? Must have a taken an absolutely clever and perhaps red-headed wizard to pull that off. Not that it was ME or anything! I would never stoop to such levels! Well, actually I would, but that's not the point.

My dear buddy Alicia has just informed me that it's "inner eye", not "inner pie". Thank you, dear buddy Alicia, and please stop reading my dream journal.

Now, dear buddy Alicia is yelling at me to do my actual assignment. Can you believe that, Trelawney? I mean, we both know these stupid journals are just for writing random junk and that no Weasley twin in their right mind would actually follow directions!

To humor my dear buddy Alicia, I suppose I shall make up a dream and you can write back telling me about my future. Perhaps you should respond that I shall be married to a beautiful woman whose initials just might be "A.S.". Isn't that a splendid idea¿Comprenda?

Okay, here's a wonderful "dream" from the mind of George Weasley.

There I was, surrounded by orange gelatin molds and some moldy old socks. Snape was there, too, and he was none too happy to see me. On a side note, do you have something for Snape? If you do, I would be more than happy to put in a good word for you. I don't think he'll take me seriously, though. He's sort of hated me since I turned his hair pink that one day during potions. It was an improvement, really.

So, here was Snape and I are running around and throwing those stupid socks around and then Snape falls on his face and I hit him with the socks.

Pretty much that's all that happens for about an hour. Now that I think about it, that was a supremely boring dream. I'll just make up another!

A gang of marshmallows come down from the sky. I, being the courageous person that I am, cower as they surround me.

"Please, Mr. Mallow! Leave me alone!" I sputter. But they don't! The chase me and chase me and I have no idea what to do! So then I eat them. The end.

I know what you're thinking. 'George Weasley is a GENIUS!'. Yes, dear Trelawney, I am. Now, if only could be as much of a genius when it came to my love life…

Trelawney… You're a wise teacher (Well, actually you're not). Do you have any tips in the dating field? Anything? I will FOREVER be a slightly good student if you help me out! I'll only place a dead rat in your chair every other week instead of every week! Whoops, you weren't supposed to know that…

Oh, damn. Now I sound desperate! It's not that I can't get a date, it's just that I sort of want someone special, you know? But, BELIEVE me, I am not desperate. The whole "twins" thing usually pays off when it comes to the ladies. Do I turn you on, Trelawney?

I guess this all for now. Dear buddy Alicia is yelling at me to come. Now she's yelling at me to stop calling her dear buddy Alicia. I'll continue writing the next time you assign this terrible, disgusting assignment. (Remember: A.S.!)

Georgey, Georgey, andWeasley.

* * *

_Chapter 4: Alicia Spinnet_


	4. Snape Looks Like a Frog

Disclaimer: GO AWAY! 

I blame TV for any and all craziness expressed in this story… I hate TV.

Thanks to all who reviewed!

EponineWeasley: Wow! If I remember correctly, I believe you reviewed this story in pretty much the MOMENT I put it up! Thanks for the review!

Firehotchica: Thanks!

Searching4romeo: I would just like to tell you that I love you. That has got to be the longest most helpful and beautiful review I have ever received! Great that the date turned out good! Sorry it took so long for the next chapter. I guess I just have to hope your cute pink swiveling chair was comfortable!

Angel de la Luna: No need to apoligize! As long as you reviewed eventually! I'm happy my crazy humor amuses you! Huzzah! I invaded your favorites list!

Orliey: Yes, strange, yet amusing! I'm sorry to say that you were wrong about the shudder line, though those two are quite cringe-worthy.

Tidal Waves: Mwa ha ha! I'm a genius, you say? Well, huzzah for that! I didn't realize till late that I included something about marshmallows in THIS chapter, too! What is it with George and marshmallows?

Siora Lee: The rabid squirrels? Send them, please! I enjoy rabid squirrels! Poor dear buddy Alicia…

Siora Lee: You're so important, you get TWO review responses thingies! Yes! Correct! You win! 'Do I turn you on, Trelawney' is the correct answer! I don't enjoy teacher/student relationships (cringe).

Jagged Epiphany: Goodness Gracious! The Jagged Epiphany, whose story I LOVE hads reviwed me! Thank you! You are right about the line. Completely made me creeped out the moment I reread it.

Rin136: Thanks! I'll try to keep it less confusing.

greetings from lala land: Ha! One more innocent taken by intoxication! SUCCESS!

LittleWriterGirl: Yay! Probably the funnest chapter to write was the Shelly one. I'm happy you're enjoying the story so far!

StarXcrossed: I'm glad you liked it!

Quiddie15: Yes, what could be more amusing than an over-confident Lee Jordan? An over-confident Lee Jordan getting hit in the head with a book! Cute name, by the way.

**Snape Looks Like a Frog!**  
_The slightly sane one of the group_

March 1

Dear Diary,

GARGHAKUJ!

Okay, I'm done sputtering out random letters of the alphabet out now. Why did I even do that? Because Snape's a stupid, crazy pinchbolck! GARGH! He's so horrible, I had to make up a word for how horrible he is! GARGH! If I had the chance, I would wring his neck for every single point he took from Gryffindor! GARGH! I remind myself of a seagull when I say that. Heck yes, I do.

First of all, I know its customary for all Gryffindors to want to throw Snape's greasy head through a quidditch hoop, but believe me when I say that my hatred right now is even worse than usual. Do you know what he did? Do you have any idea what that psycho did to me?

Obviously not, you stupid inanimate diary. Oh, how I wish would respond to me! I was talking to Katie about that during breakfast but she just told me to stop being stupid and eat my muffin.

Whoops, I got off subject. Anyway, Snape had the nerve to give me a detention! I'm supposed to be the well-behaved person of my friends! I have NEVER received a detention in my life. Of course, I've never turned Snape's hair green before. That's usually Fred and George's area of expertise. And now I shall be oddly specific and tell you exactly what happened during that infamous potion class.

There was Angelina, George, and I, sitting in the moldy old potions dungeon, nonchalantly mixing a cauldron of steaming snake flesh or some other disgusting thing.

"Do you know what would be cool?" George says out of the blue.

"A duck!" I shouted.

"A horse!" Angelina contributed.

"A kangaroo!" Angelina and I grinned as George slapped his forehead in annoyance.

"No. I was thinking, it would be cool if I had a frog!" For a second Angelina and I stared at him as if he were kidding. He wasn't. Why did he bother slapping his forehead earlier if his idea was just as unbelievably LAME as ours was?

"George, I fail to see the fun in having a frog," I told him. "I'm pretty sure they just… Hop around." George shook his head at me and then pulled out a quill and a roll of parchment. He hastily sketched a picture of a frog, though it looked more like a marshmallow.

"See!" George exclaimed well motioning towards the picture. "If I had a frog it could hop at people!" He drew a bunch of stars next to the frog.

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life," I groaned.

"Wait a second, Alicia…" Angelina began. "I'm starting to see why this is a good idea!" Angelina, with all due respect, is an idiot. Actually, she's not exactly an IDIOT, but she has an unbelievably annoying habit of saying/thinking/doing stupid things.

"NO!" I shout. "There is nothing even remotely exciting in getting a frog!"

"But where would we find a frog? Do you think Roger Davies might have one?" Angelina pondered out loud, ignoring me. Never mind, Angelina really is an idiot.

"We are not getting a frog! It's a stupid idea!"

"I know!" George shouted with excitement. "Snape!"

"Why would Snape give you a frog?" I muttered as the two psychos continued to jabber about frogs.

"You know… Snape looks sort of like a frog!" Angelina exclaimed while bouncing up and down with excitement. I scrunched up my eyes at the potions teacher who was grading papers. He did sort of look like a frog…

George got a look of ecstasy on his face. He stared with wide eyes at me and Angelina for a moment before exclaiming, "Let's turn Snape's hair green!"

I groaned as Angelina and George thought up one of their insane schemes. I couldn't help but cringe as they threw an odd assortment of ingredients into their cauldron. I wasn't really surprised that they knew what they were doing.

"Alicia, when you go past Snape, you need to spill this on him," George handed me a flask. I rose an eyebrow and threw it back at him.

"Uh, no." This was their crazy scheme, not mine!

George grinned a bit and poked me in the arm. "You're not scared, are you?"

"Of course not!" I thundered.

"Then do it." He grinned wider.

"Who, me?"

"Yes, you."

"Couldn't be!"

"Then who!" Angelina interrupted. "Sorry, I felt left out."

"You know what?" I looked at them. "I'll do it. But not for free."

"Uh… Chocolate?" George suggested. I contemplated a moment before nodding. Chocolate would be fine.

I took a deep breath and walked up to where Snape was collecting samples of our potion. I watched with horror as my classmates handed in potions that were all a putrid green color. Ours was vivid pink.

"Ms. Spinnet, your flask, please," the potions teacher stated icily. I stared at him hopelessly. How could I go through with this?

"Ms. Spinnet!" He thundered when I wouldn't hand it over. "Your potion! Now!" My eyes grew wide as I tore off the top of the flask and threw the contents at the appalled teacher. His hair turned a deep green. Now he really DID look like a frog.

And so here I am, diary. Sitting in detention, doing nothing with Angelina and George.

"Hey, dear buddy Alicia!" George whispered. I groaned. He'd been calling me that ever since divination class! "We'll go out to Honeydukes next Hogsmeade visit so you can get your chocolate."

Wait a second! Like a date? When did I agree to that?

_Chapter 5: Katie Bell_


	5. SelfImprovement for the Slightly Cursed

Disclaimer: Mi mama esta en la biblioteca. 

I blame those crazily delicious girl scout cookies for any and all craziness expressed in this story

Ok… First of all, it took me forever to write this chapter! I'm such a sorry child! Mars! I been busy with practice and the Washington D.C. Trip and then all the school crap! It's been crazy! And the next update may take even longer, as my birthday and the play I'm in are coming up on May 21sr… Both on the same day! Isn't that crazy?

The following reviews were answered when I was EXTREMELY hyper! You have been warned!  
LittleWriterGirl: Yes. Poor, poor Alicia. Its tough to be the only sane one of the group. Well, I can only assume that, really. I'm not the normal one in my little posse.

EponineWeasley: Oh, what crazy lives we lead! The ever-so-prompt and quick review was greatly appreciated! I cherish it! I don't know why, I just do.

Firehotchica: Mars! I feel terrible! I still have to go read your chapter! Bad, Freakishmuffin! Bad!

Quiddie15: Angelina and her ditziness is something I cherish greatly. Sure, for all I know Angelina may be as serious as a drill sergeant, but I'm not JK Rowling! (Actually, since Angelina was quidditch captain, she most likely wouldn't be ditzy… Hurray for plot holes!) Out curiosity… Did Roger have that frog!

Angel de la Luna: I'm glad you liked it. Yes, they are indeed insane. I can't help but agree with their feelings on frogs though. I would cherish a frog if I owned one. Unfortunately, a lot of what Alicia does this chapter is rant, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway! All teachers are torture, unless you get one of those randomly insane ones. Last year I had one who convinced us that he could talk to animals and even went as far as trying to communicate to a bee that flew into our room. That guy was crazy cool.

Rutteroolz: I enjoy writing random stories. Fred's your favorite character? Huzzah! Perhaps you can help me! How **exactly** do you see Fred's personality as? I'm having trouble…

Searching4romeo: Hah! As usual, I'm loving your wonderful review. Huzzah for all the news that makes the world right! Angelina amuses me… YOU amuse me! Huzzah for animosity! Someday, I'm going to write a review response to you that's just as crazily long as your's are! That would be crazily cool! So your name is Angelina… And my name is Katie… Calling all fandom! We are missing an Alicia! Clean up in aisle 2! (My lord, I'm hyper) Believe me, the next Angelina chapter (WHICH IS ONLY 2 AWAY!) shall be as comical as I can make it!

Tidal Waves: Oh yes! Snape is a stupid, silly, crazy fellow! But not really. George is sillier but I can just **pretend** Snape is silly because he had silly green hair! The frog thing was sort of my own opinion. I enjoy froggies greatly!

FuNnY cIdE: Well, I didn't update quickly… But I updated! Woot! Hilaria! What a fun word! Like Cranium and Hoopla and Scattergories and all they other board games I have an insane urge to play at the moment! Poor, tired child. Such a contrast to my current crazy hyper mood!

Jagged Epiphany: So far, many people have ended up liking that line a lot too. I like it, I know that! Alicia is, indeed, a silly one for getting pulled into that one. Who could blame her? Chocolate is extremely delicious.

Greetings from lala land: Mars! Completely sorry about that! I have learned over one review that you are crazy hyper child who amuses me to no end. And that, my friend, is a good thing.

Angelface04: I try, I try. Huzzah! I mad you laugh! My goodness I am hyper right now. Really, as long as I'm making someone out there laugh, chuckle, or even smile, I'm happy. Especially when wondrous reviewers such as you are there to remind me to get my butt in gear and make the next chapter!

StarXcrossed: First of all: MARS! I feel like an absolute jerk! That last chapter I gave you a horrible reply and I feel absolutely terrible! Sorry! Second of all: I dedicate this chapter to you and the rest of the poor neglected reviewers who received crappy responses during these past chapters. Sorry! Sorry!  
Third of all: When it comes to my story, I wasn't very creative with my prank, either. But what can you do? What's written is written.

DownerLithium: THREE! Three reviews! Hurrah! Shelly was very excitable. II wish my workbook used as many exclamation points as her. She'll be returning in chapter… uh, later. Caffeine is nifty! The other other white meat! And coke is much better than Pepsi. Ahem. I'm rambling.

Orliey: You stole the cookie jar! I bet you did! I bet a million and one dollars! Now here, for your enjoyment, is Katie's leg of the race. But its not a race. So it's more like Katie's leg of the turkey.

ShadowRess: And here's Katie, for you. And next is Fred! And next is Angelina! And next is Lee! And next is George! And next is Alicia! And Next is Katie again! Isn't this all so crazy! Aren't I rambling a lot? YES! And I belive you're the 50th reviewer! 10 points!

Gingerbed: And last but not least, the wonderful Gingerbed! I;m not going to use "you" and instead use "Gingerbed" because, as Lee put it, with such a wonderful name like Gingerbed, people can't help but say it constantly! I really can't wait till Lee's chapter, too. His was unbelievably fun to write!

* * *

**Self-Improvement for the Slightly Cursed**

_The Misfortunes of Ms. Katie Bell_

_**This book is property of:**_

****

Goodness Gracious! I just received this book from my mother yesterday, and I am still in **_absolute total shock!_** A self-improvement book? Seriously! Is it my fault that I have incredibly bad luck? NO! Not at all! Is it _**my**_ fault I always trip, get hit in the face, and have excessive nose-bleeds? No! It's the fault of that damn, stinking curse!

Oh yeah. This book is property of Katie Bell. Sort of forgot about that up there…

**_Chapter One: The First Step._**

_**In order to obtain the image desired of such, it is essential for such person to admit to the actions they have taken to befoul their image.**_

****

Uh… I'm not too sure what that said. I better go get my thesaurus.

Apparently, according to old Webster, here, you're telling me to admit that I screwed up. Well, I would if I had done anything wrong! As I mentioned before, I am cursed. It all started back in the shiny days of first year, when I was just a young, innocent child. Don't mind me while I take a bit of a flash back…

Ah! I remember it well! Alicia, Angelina, and I were roommates and friends and all that good stuff. Everything was going fine… Until that fateful day during Defense Against the Dark Arts! (Dun! Dun! Dun!)

Professor Quirrell, that shivering lump of quivering fear (Huzzah for adjectives!), somehow got up the courage for us to do something more interesting than just taking in "dark artifacts", which we later found out were just random objects he grabbed from his room when he didn't have courage or time to think up a good lesson plan.

"Th-this is the C-Cursed Teapot of Nimphanoodle!" He stuttered proudly while brandishing the beat-up object. It was perfectly normal looking, with red and yellow flowers painted daintily on it. Why a GUY teacher would on an object like that, I have no idea! Maybe he's just in touch feminine side. Or maybe he's a woman!

Most of the other students groaned when seeing such a plain, girly object, thinking it was just another fake. I, on the other hand, gasped. I could just tell by the precious paint job that the teapot was absolute EVIL.

"Can you believe this guy?" Alicia whispered to Angelina and I with annoyance. "Everyday he brings in something in and makes stuff up about it! How are we supposed to learn if-"

"I WANT TO HOLD IT FIRST!" Angelina cried frantically to the teacher, waving her arms up and down. Alicia looked as if she were about to hit something. That 'something' most likely being Angelina.

"N-Now, Ms. Johnson! T-Touching it may n-not be a wise idea! It is c-cursed, after all! I believe it would be bad luck!" His warnings had no effect on her.

"I WANNA HOLD IT, **_NOW_**!" Her voice boomed throughout the classroom. I gripped Alicia's arm with fear. Angelina was going to be cursed! I must save her!

I watched in horror as Quirrell's demonic teapot inched closer and closer to Angelina's outstretched hands.

"NOOOOO!" I shouted while flying in front of her and yanking thing out of her reach. Yeah, I'm awesome like that.

"Katie, can I have my teapot back?" I stared at Angelina. Crazy, stupid girl.

"You can't! If you touch it, you'll get cursed!" Alicia looked at me quizzically.

"You do know that **_you're_** holding it now, right?" Alicia pointed out. I yelped with realization. The teapot crashed to the floor and scattered into a million pieces, but I took no notice. The only thing I could do was stare at my hands in horror. I heard the words echoing through my brain: I AM CURSED!

"Grandma's teapot!" Quirrell screeched while gathering up shards porcelain. "C-Class dismissed!" He called as he frantically tried to piece it back together.

I hung my head while we shuffled out the door. The rest of my class ran and frolicked, happy to get out of class five-minutes earlier. How could they be so joyous when I'd just been doomed to eternal bad luck!

"Can you believe that load of bull?" Alicia rambled. "How does he expect us to be prepared for the real world if he goes around making stuff up? It's ridiculous! If I were Dumbledore, I would fire him on the spot!" She rambled on and on. Alicia tends to do that sometimes. Angelina and I learned that its easier to ignore her and hope to hell that she'd be too busy ranting to care.

"Do you think I should file a complaint?" Alicia asked us. I stared at her blankly for a moment, as did Angelina. "Umm… Guys? Did you hear me?"

"OH! Hi, Alicia!" Angelina exclaimed. She thought for a moment or so, trying to think of an answer to the question neither of us really heard. "I mean, uh, yes!"

Angelina accepted her answer and continued ranting. And ranting some more. And complaining, but mostly she ranted. I felt like punching her head into the wall as she worsened my already horrible headache.

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR A MOMENT!" I finally exploded.

"Geez! Someone woke up on the wrong side of the cauldron!" Alicia replied stuffily. I stared at her.

"Alicia… That had to be the STUPIDEST thing I ever heard you say. Don't speak anymore."

And so she didn't! But not really. I was just lying. Instead, she kicked me really hard in the shin and sent all of the books I was carrying crashing down to the floor.

"Gah!" I exclaimed. A bottle of ink spilled all over my supplies, soaking them until they were unreadable. "Look! I just ruined all my stuff! That curse must have been real!"

"Your cursed?" Angelina questioned.

"A-durr! Remember the teapot? Don't tell me you forgot! Oh, my god! Amnesia! I must cursed ALL of us!" At this point, Angelina gave me a mighty slapacross the face.

"Katie! You're as being as absurd as Quirrel! Now, stop! **You. Are. Not. Cursed**!" She elaborated each word while jabbing her finger into my chest.

"What are you talking about? Did you not see that teapot I touched?" I gaped at her in disbelief.

"Katie you're way too over-dramatic for your own good."

"I am not over-dramatic!" I wailed, flailed, and, uh, snailed. "And I _**am**_ cursed!"

"Prove it."

And I proved it all right. Later that day, Alicia, Angelina, and I were pelted by dung bombs. It was our first encounter with the Devious Weasley Twins, and the King of Arrogance, Lee Jordan.

I told you I was cursed.

* * *

**_Chapter 6: Fred Weasley!_**


	6. Captain's Logs and Licorice

Disclaimer: The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire! (I don't own it.)

I blame **you** for any and all craziness expressed in this story.

Well… Yeah. I did not, in any way at all, give up on this story! I've just been… busy (lazy). This chapter is pretty much stupid. I had an extremely hard time figuring out Fred's character so he'll be able to differ from George's personality. Not to mention, I had a hard time thinking of the form. I just couldn't get the words "Captain's Log" out of my head! And then I was checking to see if I was using it right (I'm paranoid on a lot of things when it comes to writing) but know what is says when I look it up? "No entry found for captain's log. Did you mean Japanese leek?". How in the world is a Captain's Log like a Japanese leek? Geez! Anyway, review responses are at the end of the chapter, from now on. And here is the long over-due chapter 6!

* * *

**Fred's Captain's/Inventor's Log**

_IT'S NOT A DIARY!_

Okay, first of all I must make this very clear. I, Fred Weasley, do **not** write in a diary. Only women write in those, and as anyone with two eyes can tell, I am a man. And an extremely good looking one at that.

So I bet you're wondering what I'm writing in if it's not a diary. This, my friends, is my Captain's Log. At least, it would be if I were actually a pirate. In fact, I've never even been on a boat before! But, I'll tell what I have done. I've invented.

Most people I tell that think I'm just being my usual goofy self. They think I'm just kidding around, pulling their leg, or getting them distracted so my brother could put dung beetles in their soup. It gets pretty annoying, since I'm usually being serious (Notice that I used the word "usually". George and I have actually done that thing with the beetles before. Absolutely hilarious, might I add. Was worth the two weeks of detention.)

For that reason, I've decided to write down my inventing urges in this log (NOT A DIARY!) instead of discussing it and making an utter fool of myself. Like George.

**Inventor's Note #1**: Don't feed your girlfriend Laughing Licorice. They're already annoying enough as it is.

I should really explain this one…

**Laughing Licorice**: Do you often find yourself surrounded by a group of dead (not literally, of course) people? Do you have the inexplicable urge to make the most serious of people let out a series of none-stopping chuckles? Laughing Licorice is the newest product from Fred's Fabulous Workshop that will keep your friends in stitches for days on end!

**Inventor's Note #2**: Think of new company name. "Fred's Fabulous Workshop" sounds too… feminine.

**Inventor's Note #3**: Eliminate the word "fabulous" from my vocabulary. What was I _thinking_?

It took awhile to create the perfect product, but I was able to combine a Euphoria potion and laughing charm to come out with the right solution. After a week of long nights convincing the house-elves to show me the ways of licorice creating, I finally made it. And it only cost me one singed eyebrow and a hole in my orange shirt!

Even though Trisha was usually eager to laugh at my jokes anyway, I decided to test them on her. It would be easy to get her to eat them. After all, her brains aren't exactly her greatest quality. All I had to do was disguise it a gift, and she took them from me, her eyes sparkling as she squeezed me to death.

Trisha and I were outside, later that day. I was sure that by then she had eaten at least some of the licorice.

She preceded to giggle at the marvelous jokes I threw her way and I sat against the tree, contentedly.

"Hey, Trisha!" I began "What did the orange say to the banana?" She didn't even wait for the punch line and instead, threw back her head and let out a braying laugh. I looked at her quizzically. She didn't look half as hot as usual when she was braying like a donkey.

"That wasn't the funny part," I told her. Once again, she shrieked with laughter. I shrugged it off. These things must've worked well!

"Hey, Trisha! Do you know why Snape smells like a dirty diaper?" I prompted her again. The answer was once again a mess of giggles, chuckles, and squeals. Okay. This is getting a tad annoying.

"Trisha! Knock-knock!" I was getting desperate, even throwing in a knock-knock joke. She didn't say "Who's there?" or "Who are you?" or even "Hey, freak! Knock-knock jokes are lame!" and instead kept on laughing. Lord! If I knew she had such an annoying laugh, I would never have given her those vexing licorices!

"Hey! You smell like cat poop!" I finally shouted with frustration. She continued to laugh.

"Hey, wait a second…" Trisha began. "Did you just insult me? Dude, that's not cool." She stood up abruptly and began to make her way back to the castle. Well… That didn't make sense. If she ate the licorices, wasn't she supposed to be still giggling like maniac, even if I insulted her? I mean, the whole point of laughing licorices is to make someone laugh at something utterly insane and inappropriate! Like old people falling down!

"Hold on!" I caught up with her in a millisecond. "I want ask you something." Trisha looked at me, intrigued. "Did you eat those licorices I gave you this morning?"

"You mean our anniversary gift?" She asked.

"What anniversary?" Weren't we going out for only a week.

"Oh my god! I can't believe you!" She placed her hands on her hips and stuck her nose in the air, as if she couldn't stand the sight of me. "I mean, one week! That's BIG!"

Why do I always end up in relationships with insane people? Really, the girl before this used fawn all over Professor Flitwick! I swear, I'm some sort of freak magnet.

"Trisha, a week is seven days. You can count that many on your fingers! **It is in no way a milestone in a relationship!"** I rolled my eyes as she sputtered in protest.

"It's times like these where I feel like I hardly even know you!" she hollered.

"_I_ don't even know _you_? Trisha, you don't even know that I want to become an inventor when I get older!" I shouted at her. She was quiet for a moment, and then burst out laughing.

"Oh, Fred! Ha! Ha! You always know how to make me laugh!" Her face was red as continued to let out her high-pitched spurts of laughter.

**Inventor's note #4**: Trisha is an idiot. If wanting to continue in a relationship with said idiot, create laryngitis in a can.

"Trisha, you are a idiotic freak who's so stupid, she can't even tie her own shoes!" RAWR! FRED ANGRY! FRED CRUSH!

Ahem. If you can't tell, by that time I was a wee bit angry. Angry enough to pick her up, carry her over to the lake, and throw her in. Which I did.

Trisha shrieked with annoyance and climbed out. As she passed me, she slipped a package out of her drenched robe and shoved it into my hand. She stalked up to the castle and slammed the door behind her. I swear, the whole castle shook. _**Psycho!**_

I looked down at the package in my hand. I searched for tear in the packaging, not sure if being soggy might affect the licorice's performance. I stopped, when I finally realized something.

**Inventors Note # 5**: When testing products, make sure test subject actually consumes the items in question.

Yeah. She really is an idiot.

* * *

REVIEWS! 

**greetings from lala land**: You know those adjectives are used with love, though, right? You agree that Ms. Bell is cursed? I'm really starting to believe so, too… cough6thbookcough

**Angel de la Luna**: Computers, these days! Mine's currently suffering from a virus. Poor, little fellow! You see, I go to a pretty stupid school, so the teacher's are usually… odd. Now, my substitute teachers are even worse. We have about 2 of them who mostly use hand motions, and one of them thought we were all possessed by the devil. No joke. Snape in a dress… Who could resist that? Though Lee may be cute, he's a tad… self-centered, I guess you could say. Besides, Katie's a bit over-dramatic!

**Rutteroolz**: Thanks so much for the help! I'm not sure I succeeded with Fred's character, though. They way I was thinking it, George might be the one who spurts off random ideas and Fred is the one who actually tries to make it. Then they both frolic off and be mischievous together! Um… I don't know.

**LittleWriterGirl:** Ha! You were completely right about the disclaimer! I tend to say random sentences in Spanish that make no sense whatsoever! No me gusta tu telefono! Mi abuela es muy grande! Spanish 1 is indeed, very fun. Ha! No need to worry about Katie! (Methinks its all in her head… Though I'm not so sure after the last book.)

**BlueXflamingo**: First of all, it is essential for me to comment on your name! My close friend is obsessed with flamingos, and thus, I love your username! Thanks for your review! I love Katie and Alicia, too!

**Gingerbed**: Alas! Someone who loves adjectives as much as I do! Believe me, this story will never, ever, ever end up as FredOC. For now, Trisha is just an obstacle. An amazingly annoying obstacle! I hope you this chapter entertained you, oh wondrous Gingerbed!

**EponineWeasley**: Heh! I couldn't help but make Quirrel a tad insane. His poor teapot… Thanks for your review! Glad to know it amused you!

**Tidal Waves**: I was very tempted to use to call the teapot The Mystic Kettle of Knackledirk, but changed my mind at the last second. Nope, this is Fred's first chapter! I hope you can forgive me for the horrible lack of update!

**Jagged Epiphany**: The third piece of the puzzle! Hurrah! Yeah, my imagination seems to run wild at times. I hope you enjoyed Fred's chapter!

**Angelface04**: As long as you reviewed eventually, all is well! Aww! Thanks for the compliments! I hope you enjoyed this "speedy" update. insert innocent whistling

**doesn't matter**: Thanks for your review! It was one of the ones that encouraged me to get my butt in gear and write out the next chapter! Thank you with all my heart and soul!

**Eruaphadriel**: You're too kind! I hope you continue reading, despite the horrible lapse of updates!

**Gryffindor777**: Well, I hope you were looking forward to the next installment enough to wait… (too many to count) months? Geez! Bad Freakishmuffin! Bad! I hope you liked this!

**Aristotle in my head is a very lazy person and insists that she won't log in**: Name! Name long! Long name! Thanks for pointing that out. Whoops! I guess its just the blond in me! Well, at least I didn't have to bring another OC into the world of HP. Yes, the super six are extremely amusing! Sorry for the long wait!

**Jeran:** Heh! There are times when schoolbooks say stupid things! One time, my Spanish book was telling us that "The library doesn't have paper!" which left us all mighty confused! Thanks for the review!

**Miss Piratess**: One of the things I was really concentrating on for this fan fiction was to make sure that the characters didn't clump together into one big glob, which is one of the reasons this update was extremely overdue. Curse you, Fred, and your twin-like ways! I'm glad to hear that I'm doing a good job so far!

**StarXcrossed**: Oh! No! Don't be brainwashed! I'm glad you liked that chapter! Sorry for the extremely long wait for your Fred chapter!

**KitKatKate0517**: Oh, kids these days and their music! Err… Yeah, that had nothing to do with what you said in your review, I just wanted to say that. Sounds like your posse is mighty fun!

**Green-Eyed Godess**: Huzzah for fellow cheese haters! Seriously, I don't understand why people think it's the best thing since sliced bread. Because it's not.

**billy joe bob**: Happy to know you love my random fan fiction! Yeah, rubber ducks are awesome to the tenth power. I own one.

**M**: I love when I get reviews that are like yours that make me feel like I've made someone's day a little brighter! Thank you!

**GiantMushroom**: It made you laugh out loud! Wow! I'm glad you enjoyed it so much! Humors so very spread able. It's like the butter for the fan fiction sandwich. Somewhere in my mind, that actually made sense.

Ending note: **Possible Mini-Spoiler Though a Tad Unlikely of the 6th Book!**

After reading the 12th chapter, I can't help but believe how amused I was with what happened! Poor cursed child!

_Chapter 7: Angelina Johnson!_


End file.
